The Ignominy

Yet another fine night and everybody was in their bed by 1130. I was waiting for the midnight, the time for verdict, the time that can veer the course of life, the time that can fulfill the dreams. I typed the message with my name, CAT reg no. & DOB in it at exactly 0000 hrs. It replied the service would be activated on 9th Jan 2009. But date was already changed to 9th though a minute before. I tried as many times as I could before I doped off but got the same reply again and again. There was excitement in the air. I was hoping it to be more than 99%ile as calculated by all the coaching centers. I also knew I had messed my DI section big time. Whoever came on the way of my journey of CAT had praised my DI skills. But I don’t know what put me on the wrong side that day in the DI. Still not all IIMs look for high sectional percentiles. People even above 98 get calls from IIMs. And mine would approach 99.

Eyes opened in the morning with apprehensions all around. Tension was palpable. It was not a fresh start to the day unlike every day. I sent the message and got reply immediately. Heartbeat was conspicuously higher. I scrolled down the message box to see the overall percentile. 98.85. Oh missed 99. DI was just above 90. English 97 and Maths 98.5. Who would believe I am really strong in DI and weaker in English than shown by these scores. I sometimes think how these scores match the actual talent. Still let's c which IIMs I would get call from. I switched on my PC and opened the CAT website. Put my number. The same numbers flashed on the monitor. Amrit (my roommate) congratulated me. Being a CAT aspirant in the past he knew what it takes to get such scores. Meanwhile I checked out other links on the site. I didn't find any link telling about which IIM calls one has got. I called up Avinash, my ideal for preperations. We had prepared together for the test. As expected he got close to 100 percentile and got 5 IIM calls. But he also didn't know where to look for IIM calls. His friend had seen his result. Still enthralled by the result I started getting ready for the day. In the reading room (our Toilet where newspapers are read every morning) it suddenly came to my mind that IIM calls list might be displayed on the result page itself. I couldn't see anything maybe because I didn't get any. It was huge tension. I still hoped as it was not confirmed. But when I reached office and explored on net, I got confirmation of no IIM calls.

People congratulated me on my score but one verdict of no IIM calls was spoiling the party of such a high score. People told me I would still get into one of the best colleges in the country. So the next step was GD PI preparations. I called up Avinash again. He had talked to a trainer who trained only IIM call getters. It would not be like IMS, TIME and others where there is mess of crowd. Only IIM call getters would make a good bunch that will sail through. It was the first time I felt very low. Still I called up the trainer, Mr Kiran Joshi. And asked him if I could also come. I told him that I would still have calls from best of non IIM institutes. He said no problem and so I thought no issues "I will still get something among the best". So it was the first class. People were very enthusiastic about their IIM calls. So I was like sitting in a corner listening to them as I had no IIM call to brag about. Suddenly Kiran sir came. He asked everybody to introduce themselves. In the introduction, he said, tell name, doing what and how many (IIM) calls. I was thinking of what to say about the third part. I was the last one to speak. All other including Avinash had told their number of calls. Most of them had 4 or 5; one girl with 7 as well; some with 1 or 2. But it was the man with the last turn. Jasjit singh, working with C-DAC, "NO IIM CALLS". I said this with confidence though it felt from inside the ignominy. The ignominy of not getting an IIM call. It haunted me there in every class. It was there when Kiran sir said to othes "IIM mein jana hai ki nahi, sahi se discuss karo". When people joked with each other "tu to A (IIM ahmedabad) mein jayega". When some people told me they had not filled any form other than IIMs. When they emphasized there is no point in going to non IIM colleges. There is no match to IIMs. Every moment was ignominious but also useful as I learnt a lot with some brilliant guys there. I also didn't get that attention from the trainers as they were somewhat biased towards the IIM call getters. Anyhow I’m writing this after converting MDI gurgaon, my best call, one of the top ten b-schools in India. People are surprised even if I enquire about the college. They say don't ask anything, just join it. IMS center manager told "laate marenge log tujhe agar tune MDI chhoda to, MDI kaun Chhodta hai". But the ignominy had already spurred something inside me, had already told me that it would be an IIM or ... I would make probably the boldest step in my life to leave MDI and invest (or waste) plenty of time preparing for CAT yet again. I know this could be the most foolish decision of my life but I can't take along the ignominy that I earned in the few previous months. I will try to bury this ignominy the next time.